dont ever judge a book by the cover

Well now, here I am writing a blog about myself because my best friend sent me an invitation to read her blog and well here I am writing one, therefore I am new to this who blogging thing. I often find it hard to stay on track about one subject when writing so if i tend to go off and lose you just bear with me and eventually I will get my point across.

I guess I can start from the beginning for my first time. I was born in Indiana and lived there until I was 4 years of age. At that time my mom passed away and I moved to southern Illinois to live with my grandma. As a youngster I had a carefree life living on the farm with my grandparents. I would play all day with the animals we had and hang out in the barn with my grandpa when he came home from work. That was when I learned that beer was not too bad tasting. I would be my grandpas gopher girl and then while carrying the beer back to him I would open it and get a drink. Oh those were the good ole days. Now that I am as old as I am, I realize all those nights I would pass out from being so tired was actually due to the fact that I was drunk but hey it was all good. As I got older I got to do a lot more around the farm. One day my grandpa decided to teach me how to drive a tractor, and well if he was alive today he would still be cussing me. I drove perfectly fine while I was sitting on his lap, not one problem at all. The problem came when he got off the tractor and told me to park it in the barn. I parked it in the barn but in the process I also took out the doorway. Needless to say it was a really long time before he let me drive a tractor again. Hey what can I say, I was like 5 years old when that happened. Anyway as the years went on, my grandparents and I would travel to Florida for the winters and then back home for the spring and summer months. I loved that part of my child hood. Well when was around the age of 7 my grandma decided maybe I would be happier living with my aunt and uncle so I moved in with them. The first year was good nothing big really happened but after I turned 8 I had hurt myself pretty bad. It was Easter Sunday and I was at my uncle johns house playing in the yard when I tripped over something and ran a piece of wood into my hand. Well naturally I was rushed to the emergency room by my aunt and grandma. The xray didn't show anything in my hand so we went home. Two weeks later I woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain because of my hand. My uncle came in my room and screamed at me now that I woke everyone up in the house I can go back to sleep because nothing is wrong with me. The next day we were at my grandmas house and she asked me how my hand was and I wouldn't let her see it. She grabbed it and I cried because I was afraid of getting in trouble by my aunt and uncle for telling someone it really hurt. Well when my grandma pulled the bandages off of it, my hand was turning black and smelled horrible. Needless to say it was severely infected and dieing. My grandma hit the roof she was pissed off, yelling at me for not telling my aunt and uncle but I spoke up and said I did but they didn't believe me. Oh my god I have never seen my grandma get so pissed off in her life as she did at that moment. she damn near took my aunts head off when she told my grandma that I was just faking it. So that incident landed my butt two weeks in the hospital and a life time of torture from my aunt. She really didn't like me after that point. When I finally got out of the hospital i moved back in with my grandma again for a little while. But on March 15th 1987 my life changed drastically because I had to move back in with the very same people who were almost responsible for my death a little over a year before hand. I became too much for my grandma to handle. I was getting older and so was she, but she couldn't keep up with me any more. I say my life changed drastically because I became the punching bag for my aunt and uncle after I moved in with them. And I also became my uncles "play toy" if you know what I mean. This is the very first time of me actually ever admitting that I was molested as a child and it feels weird but it is something that I have faced and accepted. For about 3 years he did what he wanted with me except to actually physically have sex with me. I finally got up the nerve to tell my aunt and she screamed at me that I was just trying to take her husband from her so needless to say i never said anything again about it to anyone. As the years went on I endured scalding hot baths while being scrubbed with the toilet brush, having the shit beat out of me just because my room wasn't in perfect order, having a metal belt buckle broke over my back because my aunt wanted me to do the dishes and clean my room and I asked which do I do first, in 5th grade I went to school for a month with a black eye just because I asked my aunt about my math homework and she didn't know the answer so she hit me in the back of the head calling me stupid causing me to hit the corner of the desk with my eye. When I was 16 years old my uncle decided he was actually going to show me how much of an ass whipping he could give me because I was going to wear jeans to church n a Wednesday night. My aunt complained to him about my outfit because I was going to a funeral before church. It was a sweater and a nice pair of jeans, nothing revealing or disrespectful. But none the less my uncle threw me on the bed and tried to take my clothes off of me. I freaked out and hit him as hard as I could, slicing open his head with a ring I had on and then blacking his eye and bloodying his nose. I had had enough of the abuse and could not take any more. That was the night that I had sex for the first time with a good friend of mine. It was anger sex on my part and well he was a typical guy looking for a piece of ass and well I was willing. But it was all good and we carried on the whole angry sex thing for a year and half. That is until I met my now ex husband. Which that a whole other story in it self. I have a lot more to say but for now I am done writing. Like I said this is just a little about me. I hold alot of secrets inside of me and I will eventually share alot more. I hope you enjoy my posts.